I walked in.  The place a mess.  Three hours behind.  Behind at nine.  I want to run.  Far and far away.  But bossman wouldn't pay.  The people fuss.  They shout and curse the gods and throw their fat-assed tantrums in the overcrowded aisles.

Oh why can't I go?  Why can't I go?  Oh why can't I go to where the mountain meets the sea and where the sealine meets the misty sea and Plato meets the Odyssy and no one knows what time it is and this and that and etcetera.

I worked away.  I worked all day.  They cursed the time.  I paid no mind.  I worked past nine.  I walked away.  They can kiss my ass.

Oh will the ringing ever stop in my sleep?  I hear the ring the ringing the ringing!!!  Is it done yet is it done yet??  Why an hour why an hour??  Four dollars four dollars will my insurance pay for that??  Why hadn't it been run through??  What the hell is wrong with you??  Oh the ringing the ringing the ringing, the incessant infernal ringing!!!!

The screaming the cursing the ringing the hurry the now the now the ringing the crying the now dammit now dammit now now now ringing ringing a ling ling ling now now now now!!!!!!!!!!

I got pulled over for DUI for the fourth time THIS YEAR.

This would be amazing enough for most people.

But what makes it especially amazing for me, is the fact I've never been drunk in my life.  Never even been slightly drunk.  Hell, I don't even DRINK.

Imagine the disappointment of TWO squad cars, and the late arrival of a third, as they all gathered to cart off the "drunk guy" -- only to find out he's just a really bad driver with a really messy car who only ACTS drunk even though he's perfectly sober.

They made me blow into the tube FIVE TIMES!!!  My face was turning blue by the time I was through blowing.  Then they flashed the light right in my eyes to see if my pupils were dilated....

Dude, I've worked on days and days on end, I've been up for 16 hours, driven a couple hundred miles to get here, it's pouring rain, I'm horny, and I've got a really hot babe just two miles down the road -- you do the math.

I couldn't find my license at first.  It wasn't where it usually was in my wallet.  I emptied everything out.  I was dead tired and frustrated, laughing inside while they searched over all the empty cans in the back seat -- and empty boxes of what at first must have appeared to be twelve packs of beer, but turned out to be, in fact, chocolate royale slimfast boxes and empty cans thereof.  FINALLY -- FINALLY -- I found my license after practically tearing my wallet apart for five minutes, during which time one of the officers spotted a bag of "pharmaceuticals" in the seat and demanded to know what I had in the bag.  (now I was an official drug trafficker, and there were three squad cars on the scene....)  I grabbed the bag and began handing him, one by one, each drug like it was show and tell.

I explained to the officer that I was a pharmacist, which I'm not too sure was a good idea or a bad idea, but I was tired and I didn't remember exactly what I'd filled for myself -- oh well.  I pulled out one uninteresting drug after another until the officers finally just began looking at each other and realized they'd gotten their tazers out for no reason.  They all looked heartbroken.  I almost wished I could do a crime real quick and help them out or something....

I must fit some sort of profile.  I dunno.  I get pulled over more than your stereotypical black guy in Beverly Hills.  And unless I'm speeding, I never get cited for anything.  Just a lot of disappointed cops shaking their heads in disbelief they didn't get themselves a really nice catch.

I really need to find a more efficient way to do this -- like, download my brain into motime or something.  I don't have the time it takes right now to write down all the stuff I want to blog.  Of course, I know a lot of pornographic material (mostly involving Angel getting spanked A LOT) would wind up on here if I were to do so, too, but still, it would make my blogging life much easier!

I just have to say -- Imus is a complete idiot and deserves his fate.  I have never in my life seen anyone mishandle something so incompetently.  To summarize:

1.  Okay, it was sorta funny when he called the Rutgers women's basketball team "nappy headed ho's", and it was still kinda funny when he continued to insult the entire team by saying they looked like the Toronto Raptors or the Grizzleys or whatever.

2.  He should have IMMEDIATELY REALIZED that he just insulted an entire collegiate program on national television and radio.  Had it been me, I would have been on the phone ASAP with someone over at Rutgers arranging to have the show broadcast on campus there for the next week, and offered up a dozen or so "Imus" scholarships to Rutgers and become Rutgers' number one fan.  I would plug Rutgers U at every possible opportunity.  Shamelessly.  Wear Rutgers U T-shirts and hats on every program.  Become a booster.  MAKE IT ALL ABOUT RUTGERS RUTGERS RUTGERS!!!!!

That is all.  That's what I would have done, anyway, and I would have had a lot of fun with it.  I mean, WHAT IN THE HELL was Imus doing hanging out with Al Sharpton of all people???  You cannot dignify groundless accusations by acknowledging them, let alone responding to them.  By catering to Al Sharpton, it became racial, and thus racist.  What was once humorous at first, became downright offensive and ugly and inexcusible.  I don't know what Imus was thinking when he first made the comments, but his response to criticism has said TONS about what's going on inside right now.  And it ain't pretty.  Fair well, Imus.  You're a crass-headed lout.

I made a promise to someone that I would start posting again.

It would seem that most of my life has been completely marginalized of late by my constant need for money.  And since, as of yet, my clone research is still not working out -- I still have to do my own work in order to get paid.

I am almost too exhausted to think by the time I get around to pick up a computer before falling asleep at night.  My ability to form complete thoughts and put them into writing may not be pretty, but I will make the best of it....

I am lonely and sad tonight.  I am far away from home and I feel it intensely.  It has been over a year now.  I am tired of drifting.  I wish for permanence.  I have a place to call my own, a partner to go through time with and be with forever, yet I continue this way for whatever reason the gods allow......

Been thinking a lot lately about the lives we used to have, the people we used to share them with -- my ex, her ex.... how different we were then.  We were made to be different.  It makes me so angry at the people we were with, to think there are people so intensely insecure and self-focused that they will suck the life out of another person and feel utterly justified in doing so.

I've been invited to go drinking with the girls next friday night.  I jokingly accepted -- though I feel it's become more and more of a dare, since it would seem we're headed for a gay bar full of drag queens.  And I'm the only guy, with at least a half-dozen or so coworkers that I only vaguely know.  And I don't drink (it's not that I don't like to feel tipsy, I just think alcohol tastes NASTY).  And I'm not the least bit interested in drag queens.  And I'd prefer to be on my most outrageous behavior with my wife -- hard to really let go and relax without her around when there's debauchery involved!

I'll probably take a pass on the experience and get some much needed rest.